he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
