Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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