do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
