Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
