I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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