he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
