I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
