Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
