i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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