He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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