You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
