I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
