wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
