I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
