marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
