suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
