Define "chronic" masturbator.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
