He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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