so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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