I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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