You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
