his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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