I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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