Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
false alarm, still single
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
