i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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