I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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