Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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