I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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