here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
smell my finger.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
