What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
