Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
