I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
