This is not my ceiling
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
