first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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