Im at strip club and am horny
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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