areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
