so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
