Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
