my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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