Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
