He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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