Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
