i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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