It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
