party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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