What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
