4 words: hood of his car
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
