Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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