ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
