one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
