Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
